A man went up to the barman and ordered a drink. With his drink, the barman gave him a bowl of peanuts, and from the bowl of peanuts the man heard a v

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

Two old men were sitting on a porch with a hound dog between them. The dog had its leg hiked up and was licking itself. One of the old men said to the

There was a man, called Paddywhack, who worked in a very prestigious bank. One day a frog came in asking for a car loan. So he gave the frog the loan

What is the difference between a straight rooster and a gay rooster? The straight rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo and the gay rooster says any-cock-w

Two Polish guys are walking down the street sharing insights. The smarter of the two sees a dog lying down and licking his balls. The less intelligent

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for "Gorilla Pest Control." When he a

Papa Bear tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep. When his restlessness woke Mama Bear, she cried in exasperation; "How many times do I have to

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day g

One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play,

Back in the days of the old Wild Wild West lived a guy named Red who used to have a lot of fun. He rode into town like he usually did every Saturday n

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you li

A plumber promised old Miss Johnson he would be at her apartment by 11am the next day. When he had not arrived at 11-15 she locked up her apartment an

A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% Polar Bear" The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar be

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it." The

There were three drunk guys and they got in a car accident. They go to heaven and plead god for a second chance. God says, "Alright, but don't step on

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to conta

Q.What Has Webbed Feet And Fangs. A.Count Quackula

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up t

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down

A rabbit walked into a restaurant with a lion. The waiter seats them and asks the rabbit, "What will you have?" The rabbit says bring me a half a head

What does a horny frog say? "Rub it"

A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm. He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest,

A bear said to a rabbit,"Do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said,"No, why?" Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped