A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife, "Get me a beer before it star

On a given night, 2 deathrow inmates are scheduled to be electrocuted on old sparky. While one execution is in progress, the pastor admisnisters to th

What's the difference between "oooo" and "ahhhhhh"? Three inches.

Q: Why do women fake orgasms? A: Because they think we care.

Why do all women like hunters? Because they go deep in the bush. shoot twice. and eat what they shoot.

A husband and wife were getting ready for bed one evening. "Honey," the fellow asked, "do you want to make love tonight?" "No dear, not tonight," she

Why do women have two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time!

A guy walks into a bar on top of a ski skraper. He sits down next to a buff looking guy who looks like he had a little more booze than he can handle.

A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please." So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternatel

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down

There was this Pirate, he had a steering wheel attached to his wang. When he went into the bar nearby, the bartender said to him "hey there, you have

What is the difference between a straight rooster and a gay rooster? The straight rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo and the gay rooster says any-cock-w

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 ya

A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid's little finger. A nurse standing in the room s

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bou

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just brin

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke." The second woma

A tribe in the jungle consider farting after every meal to be a sign of power, however the chief of the tribe finds it extremely difficult to fart. His servant goes to the doctor and say "big chief,

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavi

A man is in a horrible accident that is so bad that he loses his 'manhood'... He goes to a doctor. "Erm..." the doc says,"I can give you a new penis, a small is $8,000, a medium is $11,000, and a larg

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed po

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. "

What's the difference between a policeman's truncheon, and a magician's wand? One is for cunning stunts, the other is for ... apprehending criminals.