An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering

Why are men more intelligent during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius!

So there's a blonde 'n a brunette riding in an elevator when it stops on the 6th floor and a man gets on. Well, they notice that he has some dandruff

Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nerv

3 advantages of getting a ?50 note tatooed on your penis: 1. You can play with your money. 2. You can see your money grow. 3. Your woman can blow as m

Q:Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? A:You can unscrew a lightbulb.

There are three blondes on an island, and they can't find their way off. Also on the island is a genie. The genie says that he will grant them each on

A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly a

Husband and wife, moving house and are starting to box everything up. The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out and looks inside, where he f

A Guy walked into a bar dressed in the latest designer gear, dripping with diamonds and platinum and googobs of money. His only visible problem was th

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,I'm positive...

A guy is forced to live in a remote Eskimo villiage but is having trouble interacting with the villiagers. Finally he corners one of them and asks why

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to ch

A man walks into a bar with a Giraffe, and sits down at the bar. He says to the barman, "One pint for me and ten for the Giraffe". The barman gives th

This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartend

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chicke

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the new

Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?" "No," says Carlos. Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang almos

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie h

A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner.

One early afternoon, two old ladies were sitting and talking in a park. Along came a flasher, who flashed the two old ladies. One old lady had a stroke...but the other couldn't reach.

Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again? Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude. Husband: Will you let him drive my car? Wife: Well, I think so. Husband: Will you let

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business? 1) No mind. 2) No business.